I woke with a start yesterday morning at 5.30 - the winter solstice. Lie quietly as it passes, breathe, feel something pooling in my belly. How I need and long for the coming spring, for any symbol of renewal I can draw to myself. Remind myself I need do nothing, that the light, just like the dark, comes by itself.
The day before, the shortest day, I was with a friend who just this week has completed a big work/life project, in the face of chronic illness, years of repeated discouragement. She never gave up, kept faith through it all with her own talents. I'm so happy for her and inspired by her.
Having flunked out of getting up to see the sunrise yesterday, I thought: noon, then; go to an open space. We have a lot of those in Dulwich, but Belair Park is where I often take strong emotions for a walk. It's a small park around an old house, never crowded as the other parks and even the woods become on holidays and weekends. It has quiet paths, trees and water and views, and on this day long shadows in the pale, brief sunlight. I perch on one of the seats facing the football field, feel the cool, steady rays on my closed eyelids, turn my face up to the light.