Thursday, 6 October 2011

Ruminating

Waiting to hear about something (not life or death, well only metaphorically). There’s nothing more I can do to influence the outcome, and I’ve no idea, really, what the probabilities are. So I need, of course, to just put it out of my mind. Keep active. Stay in the moment. Thought I’d been doing this fairly successfully - I’m not consciously thinking about it much. But clearly my sub(not very sub)conscious is at it the whole time, because I note wearily that I'm eating voraciously (without chewing - another characteristic of rumination), sleeping very little and having nightmares when I do, and I can’t concentrate for shit - not on work (which is less busy, but not much less), but also not on music or fiction or art or escapism of any kind. Oh dear. Well, I can watch my mind, I suppose, and be amazed at its self-defeating capers. And try not to take it out on other people. And be glad that I’ll only have to wait a few weeks.

7 comments:

liliannattel said...

I hope that the news is good when it comes. And just fyi, I've always admired ruminants.

Jean said...

Lilian, me too - slow and peaceable! I guess I'd rather not BE one, though.

marja-leena said...

Yes, I hope it will be good news. The waiting *is* a trial, so hope that will not be too hard on you. I love the photo, with the pair of sculptures on the hilltop - imagine if we were there together ruminating on life's ups and downs....

Dale said...

Hugs. I hope it goes the right way, whatever it is!

Natalie d'Arbeloff said...

How mysterious! Clever of you not to say what "it" is and keep us in suspense. I hope it's good, whatever it is.

alembic said...

I hope the news is good, whatever it is. How well I know both the knowing that there is nothing to do about the outcome and the loss of concentration, an all-consuming giant distraction, while waiting.... Hugs.

Lucy said...

Do so hope it turns out well.