Thursday, 21 August 2008

Ghost in the office


My office at the university is a small, narrow room with a window at one end and a door at the other, sideways on to the desk. People appearing in the doorway register first as a presence, an outline, at the limit of my left-hand peripheral vision. I have to turn my head to see who it is.

In my dream last night I turned, at my desk, and stared, puzzled: who was this bulky figure bundled in a big overcoat, woolly hat pulled down over the brow? I looked again and gulped to see it was a old love, unseen for many years, much older now, his face wan and blurred. He stared back. I opened my mouth, but no words came. His face wavered, grew increasingly blurred, and then I woke up, my mind vividly retaining the vision and the memory of feeling, in sequence, puzzled, confused, alarmed.

I've never had such a dream. I woke wondering if he'd just died, or yelled out somewhere in anguish. When hearts have been close, when you've felt another's consciousness beating next to your own, I don't think the link ever quite dissolves - alone and together, we're much more than we know. But, equally, it could have been a thread of recent thought that led to a random memory, sparked a synaptic connection in sleep.

In the office this morning, I found myself casting sidelong looks towards the doorway, a bit bothered.

7 comments:

Rosie said...

Let us know if he turns up! I read somewhere that if you are draming about someone, they are likely to be dreaming of you- or maybe I made it up....George Clooney is unlikely to be dreaming of me...

marja-leena said...

Dreams are so powerful, especially when someone from the past appears. I know that lingering feeling that stays for a long time...

Dale said...

xoxo

In my experience, ghosts always have something to say to you. But it can be very hard to understand what it is.

Pica said...

Oof, a bit unnerving, but also a wonderful opportunity for something if you're open to it? Of course as dale says hard to know what that is...

Beth said...

My psychoanalyst friend suggested to me, after I told him about an inexplicable dream that kept bothering me, to get into a meditative space and begin a conversation with the person in the dream. I tried it, somewhat skeptically, and ended up with an explanation of why the person had come to me in the dream that made a great deal of sense. I think the theory is that since dreams arrive from the subconscious, if we can tap back into the subconscious we can find out more - so first impressions, spontaneous thoughts and sentences mean more than just allowing ourselves to "write" a conversation in our heads by normal "thinking." Anyway - you might try it and see what happens, since this sounded powerful, and unusual for you. The dream may well have been significant.

Zhoen said...

Such a strong remembrance, what did you learn from him? I agree, there is something here that wants your attention and acknowledgement.

leslee said...

Wow. Amazing, and I wonder if it was just your thinking of him or something happened.

I used to have an old flame call me when I was thinking of him, out of the blue. I'd go to bed thinking about him and I'd wake in the night with a phone call. It happened so often I stopped being surprised.