Totally irrelevant photo - pretty colours they paint on the roads these days!
It's the silly season again. Silly amounts of work, that is. Yesterday I sat working at my computer for almost twelve hours with scarcely a pause to regain my breath. Finished the target urgent task, but, oh, the price is high! By the evening I was yawning and stumbling, eyes on stalks, too tired to sleep well, and this morning I feel nauseous, with that horrible feeling of tight, burning skin over cold bones that I associate with over-tiredness.
Hard to believe that once, and for many years, I did this all the time, several days a week, with many much later nights and stretches of weeks at a time with no weekend breaks. I couldn't do that now, although in a way I am better at pacing myself, remaining attentive and focused on the moment, not on that fatal, futile "how much longer is this going to take me?" - the sweet benefits of a meditation practice.
Is it age, then, pure and simple - I just don't have as much energy? Or is it rather a basic unwillingness, an increasing inability to just 'not feel' the physical toll it takes (perhaps also down to the mindfulness meditation)?
Where is the woman who worked all night, downed a whole pot of strong, percolated coffee and carried on right through another day? Gone, I think, and unregretted. But one hard day and it all floods back, a bit like a single drink to a recovering alcoholic.