Tuesday, 21 September 2010


Totally irrelevant photo - pretty colours they paint on the roads these days!

It's the silly season again. Silly amounts of work, that is. Yesterday I sat working at my computer for almost twelve hours with scarcely a pause to regain my breath.  Finished the target urgent task, but, oh, the price is high! By the evening I was yawning and stumbling, eyes on stalks, too tired to sleep well, and this morning I feel nauseous, with that horrible feeling of tight, burning skin over cold bones that I associate with over-tiredness.

Hard to believe that once, and for many years, I did this all the time, several days a week, with many much later nights and stretches of weeks at a time with no weekend breaks. I couldn't do that now, although in a way I am better at pacing myself, remaining attentive and focused on the moment, not on that fatal, futile "how much longer is this going to take me?" - the sweet benefits of a meditation practice.

Is it age, then, pure and simple - I just don't have as much energy? Or is it rather a basic unwillingness, an increasing inability to just 'not feel' the physical toll it takes (perhaps also down to the mindfulness meditation)?

Where is the woman who worked all night, downed a whole pot of strong, percolated coffee and carried on right through another day?  Gone, I think, and unregretted. But one hard day and it all floods back, a bit like a single drink to a recovering alcoholic.


Rachel Fox said...

Aren't there laws against that kind of labour? Sounds gruesome.

Fire Bird said...

12 hour day not good. Please don't repeat. You are too precious for such abuse.

Jean said...

Well, this was a one-off, and somewhat my responsibility really, so not too serious. I'm always kind of appalled, though, when I think how I used to do this all the time in the job I had for many years!

liliannattel said...

Perhaps both, Jean. More energy, less smarts when young.