Ha, I’ve chucked in the Mindfulness course. Given my marked temperamental predisposition to chucking things in, I’ve worked hard at noticing the impulse and not precipitately acting on it, and when I do act on it, even after deep consideration, it’s an awful aaaaargh! feeling.
It was the right thing to do, though. This felt wretched. I’ve concluded it’s too big, this stuff that came up after meditating on the body every day, this being with the ache that arises in the body and leads to the heart-ache, the soul-ache; if I’m going to do it, if I’m ready to do it, it won’t be in this very secular, very mixed setting which somehow wasn't - for me, right now - enough.
And now what? I have no idea. In my notebook I find words that I’ve no memory of copying down:
What exactly is the me that hurts right now? Is it something real, or just an image, that got ‘damaged’ ? …it’s amazing to discover that a hurt image can make the entire body mind ache physically.